Xeni and Cory do so much attention whoring that Xeni has to play damage control lest someone get the wrong impression and believe that there isn't anyone else at BoingBoing. Although we here at Xenisucks.com are baffled as to why anyone would think that, a WSJ article features her bulbous head prominently in the foreground of a picture cropped without the other members, with Cory meekly poking in from behind.

Although Xeni managed to show the original picture to prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that all 5 members of BoingBoing do exist, we here at Xenisucks.com managed to unearth the negative.

That's a strange little "The Ring" thing going on there, eh Xeni?

On a side note, if the other members aside from Cory and Xeni were to suddenly disappear from BoingBoing, would anyone notice? I sometimes wonder if Mark ever feels slightly burned that Xeni and Cory have pretty much become the faces of BoingBoing and nobody could even give a shit that he even exists. Now that BB is raking in the cash (mainstream style, yo) I'm sure it doesn't really matter to him, but well... let's put it in perspective:

*Mark walks into a trendy LA club*

Bouncer: Hey man, where do you think you're going?

Mark: I'm actually looking for my friends Cory and Xeni

Bouncer: Oh they're in the VIP section, I can't let you get in there without a reservation. Who are you?

Mark: Uhm, come on don't you know me? I'm Mark Frauenfoo, er, Frauendauer, damnit, Mark F.

Bouncer: Sorry dude, can't let you in.

Mark: God damnit, you let Kathryn Cramer in but not me? LET ME IN!!

Bouncer: Ms. Cramer rapelled in through the ceiling window before we could stop her. Sorry, can't let you in.

Mark: I OWN THIS CITY BITCH! I'LL RUIN YOU! ARE YOU A JEW? YOU MOTHERFUCKER! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU!

As you can see, it's not pretty.

Many of you commentators have pointed out the series of tubes thing. I was going to hold off on making an official post until it reached a certain crescendo, as Xeni's posts with themes always tend to do. Whether it be SARS, Sex toys, or whatever her flavor of the month, Xeni always manages to find that point where we get sick of it and then proceeds to beat it into our heads until we're ready to bleed from our eyes.

The "series of tubes" jokes are no exception. They are funny, in that "ha ha listen to grandma explain your computer" kind of way. We get it, Stevens is a dumbass who has no ground to criticize network neutrality.

But when does the joke go to far? This is when:



Fortunately it was Jacob Appelbaum who attended "Hackers on Planet Earth", and also conveniently spotted the T-shirt. From there he decided to bless the internets with his pictures of them.

For anyone curious, the shirt was designed by Stephanie at Radio Prometheus and you can read a bit more about her story, here. Apparently they're going to sell them for "media activism and digital divide groups here in Philadelphia, so your bucks go to unclogging the IntarTubes for all."

Oh really?

Then you might want to avoid stealing the image from a Google Image Search.

Oh wait, I was confused. This is obviously not intellectual property theft, but instead a clever mash-up of derivative works.

Interesting thing about the web-- it can be quite a small world. Vinny Ferrari, before he was on just about every prime time talk show known to man, was once a regular joe schmoe on the internet like you or me. He even was a frequent on this blog-- contributing some of his insights about the "Vacuous hole" (you know who) to his blog insignificant thoughts


Now that one insigificant user is causing a lot of waves, so much so, that Jason Supercalacanilicious himself had to take time off from pulling the levers of his web 2.0 empire to comment on the issue. Since Jason's company, Weblogs, Inc. was bought by AOL, Jason is now intimately involved in the affairs of his smiley-laden overlords. Here's a snippet of what he had to say:

Sometimes the darkest hour is before the dawn, and I think that is what that call will come to symbolize: a new era for the company. -- Jason Calacanis

You ain't kiddin', buddy. You're like one of the violinists on the titanic.

An annotated roundup, as it were.

1) OMFG, PEOPLE WHO LIVE NEAR NEWS ARE WRITING ABOUT NEWS!111
2) And drawing comics about news. Finally, some web comics about war.
3) ZOMFG222, John Wayne Gacy painted clowns!1111 Oh, wait, it's some other criminal, bored out of his skull waiting to die, making "art" with prison food. Whoop-de-fucking-doo.
4) Get this: Creation Science people are corrupt!!111 Kind of like how all the other people in the world are!
5) Xeni posts her secret demographics research: "things 'people' at slashdot always talk about that I should mention in a sexual context in order to maintain my status as an INTARWEB CELEBRITY", part 4080.
6) Oh, there is no number six. I almost got trolled into assuming the goatse thing was Xeni, but it was Markie Mark. "After one brief look at Goatse, your brain is scarred forever. You can't help but see Goatse again and again -- in ads, photos, logos, and so on. Here are a few that have been submitted to Boing Boing this week," Markie "Post" Mark Frownfielder writes. You know, I saw goatse for the first time a billion years ago. Then tubgirl. Then lemon party. Whatevs. I don't find myself thinking, much less talking, about that shit in 2006. I wonder why that is... I wonder if maybe it was purged from my mind because when I saw it, no secret, unfulfilled desires were awakened. Who knows? Just speculating, is all...

BoingBoing's definition of Yahoo!:

Helps jail Chinese dissidents

Gives out our search information to the government upon request

Rats out reporters that don't follow the communist ideal

Helps pay for Xeni's Mercedes Benz


Also, DRM.

It's three caucasian losers on a couch... And then three more caucasian losers "after the jump". OMFG, IT'S IRONICAL! Plus "Coop" was there! You know it ain't a party til "Coop" shows up!

I would rather punch myself in the dick all day than be trapped in a room with the assclowns at "Welcome Cory To Los Angeles Brunch 2006". That said, all of them deserve to live in LA, so there's that.

Seanbonnercoopxenivioletmarkiemarkcory"doctor"owblahblahblah.

Whenever a disaster strikes there will always be the looming echo of Katrina. This can be a bit out of line, especially in the circumstances that have been brought up:

Xeni graciously links to an LA Times article that accuses the US government of treating its citizens like garbage. The piece is filled with stories of separated families and government incompetence. Worse yet? The government is forcing everyone who is being evacuated to cover their own cost.

On the surface this sounds terrible-- but let's look at it from the other side. The LA Times quotes the official US response, which says something to the effect of: You idiots ignored the travel advisory in place.

The travel advisory had been out since May the 2nd, and it clearly states:

The U.S. Government considers the potential threat to U.S. Government personnel assigned to Beirut sufficiently serious to require them to live and work under a strict security regime. This limits, and may occasionally prevent, the movement of U.S. Embassy officials in certain areas of the country. These factors, plus limited staffing, may hinder timely assistance to Americans in Lebanon...

Oh so you mean thats why the Embassy is having problems answering calls? There must have been a psychic working in the US Travel Bureau back in may.

U.S. citizens who travel to Lebanon despite this Travel Warning should exercise heightened caution when traveling in parts of the southern suburbs of Beirut, portions of the Bekaa Valley and South Lebanon, and the cities of Sidon and Tripoli. Hizballah has not been disarmed, it maintains a strong presence in many of these areas, and there is the potential for action by other extremist groups in Tripoli.

Oh so you mean everyone had been warned almost three months ago to stay out of the war zone, and now those trapped in there expect us to use our tax money to bail them out? I hate to defend the USG on this one, but this is a no brainer. This isn't a natural disaster, this is something that everyone who had travelled there prior had been warned about months in advance. I'm sure the IDF sincerely apologizes for messing up your vacation plans.

Lastly, who is caught picking up the pieces? The understaffed US embassy employees who have been busy working around the clocks trying to sort everything out. How do they get their thanks? A kick in the ribs from the LA Times.

Thanks, Xeni!

Update: Topic is somewhat moot, it would appear that the government has done an about face on charging the people being evacuated.

TO: UNITEDNATIONS@AOL.COM

FROM: KATHRYN CRAMER

I have done some extensive research into the Islamic world, as indicated by my picture above. Through my research I have determined that the Iranian Nuclear Bomb, which my intelligence sources have told me is dubbed the "Wrath of Allah", is quite capable of being launched at Panama.

Worse yet, I suspect that Iran and Cuba may be forming an unholy alliance, as evidenced by their borders in the map above.

Please investigate with haste, since you guys owe me for discovering that merc group.

Yours truly,

Kathryn Cramer

In high-foreheaded hausfrau Kathy Cramer's world, up is down. And Jordan is Syria. And Saudi Arabia is Jordan. Now, sure, she fixed the map, some 10 hours later, but fortunately, we have a nice image from before the fixing, so that the world is forever reminded that the ol' bald headed Cramersaurus is not to be fucked with. She can just totally alter fundamental geography, kind of like what she does with "facts" in her "routine investigations". One cannot help but wonder, of course, if she cares for her kids in much the same shit-brained manner.

All of this does not mention the obvious riff, either, that 1) Cramer's "extraploating" (her word, not the English language's) research is retarded to begin with, and of no interest to anyone except, apparently, Xeni, and 2) also, DRM.

Update: My apologies to Super Rape Allstar for already bringing this up. I should read more. At least, though, I'm still not Katherina Cramer. It makes my entire life that much more worthwhile.

They want their "edge-pushing" credibility back.

"Radiohead is my favorite band in the world, but I've been holding off on listening to Yorke's solo release."

Posture. Posture, based on outdated cultural intelligence. She should probably fire her PR people, they're likely ready for the nursing home.

All of which is not to mention the hilarious fanboyism she's engaging in, publicly, in order to pimp "old media" cds from Amazon, the profit from which will mostly go to one of the biggest (50+ labels on the roster, dues-paying member of the RIAA) record labels in existence.